Imagine a small child playing in the park. A butterfly catches his eye and he begins chasing it. His mother, watching from a nearby bench, starts to worry. Perhaps he will fall down or run into a tree. What if he’s not watching where he’s going? She runs after him. Now, the child thinks his mom is playing – so he runs faster. She calls his name, but he’s laughing too hard to notice. This is a fun game. Finally, she catches up to him, grabs him by the arm, and spanks him.
What just happened?
We are born innocent. Our actions are pure and loving. We live each moment, in the moment. This is our true self. But something happens. An injustice. Something we can’t quite understand – when we act out of love, and we receive pain.
In a world where fear dominates and controls, this is conditioning. Now the child is fearful. He may not understand what he did “wrong” – but he knows that his mother can hurt him. The fear of feeling this pain again, stays with him.
Through repetition, we begin to mould our behaviours based on reactions and responses from others. Fear serves as a memory. Perhaps even more powerful than a memory. It is the voice of hesitation, holding us back from living as our true, loving selves.
As we encounter more injustice in our lives, the fear begins to accumulate. We learn how to act, to avoid the consequences of being hurt. We create multiple versions of ourselves, to please others – so that we can be “perfect ” in the eyes of someone else. We master these versions of ourselves. Defend these versions of ourselves as if they’re our own. Worse – we start to believe this is who we really are.
As we master these images, we are still not perfect. For “perfection” is in the eye of the beholder, and we can never understand or change that. But we don’t accept this. We turn against ourselves with blame and judgment. We are not “good enough”. We need to be more, have more. This is the voice of the victim.
In his book, the Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Humans pretend to be something very important, but at the same time we believe we are nothing.”
Think about your friendships, relationships, finding a job, impressing a manager…
The need to be more, or have more suggests that we feel we are incomplete. We seek out ways to fill these imaginary holes, without realizing that we were born whole. We are whole.
Nine months ago, I started asking myself “why“. This was the start of my self-study. I’m no where near complete, but already, I feel I’ve learned so much. “Why”, opens the door for awareness. As I’ve come to learn more about myself, and why I am the way I am, I’ve begun the process of de-programming to reveal my true self. I’m noticing the voice of fear and the victim: “If I do ___ I’ll get hurt. Remember last time?” “I’m just not good enough” “What will other people think if I ___”.
Each time I notice this voice, I remind myself how much I’ve grown with each risk. That I wouldn’t be where I am today, without the failures, rejections, and mistakes. I am on the road to self-mastery – living fearlessly as my true self. Will you join me?
Sabrina Meherally 